Top 10 funniest gambling jokes and puns

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October 16th, 2020

While winning money is all well and good, losing is no laughing matter. However, a little bit of humor can go a long way in lifting your spirits, so we thought it would be nice to share the top 10 gambling jokes from the far reaches of the Internet.

Read on for our collection of casino jokes and funny gambling jokes.

Going to the dogs

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog.

Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. The dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing. However, none of the other players seem to pay any mind to the fact that they are playing with a dog, they just treat him like any other player.

Finally, the man can no longer hold his tongue, so between hands he quietly says to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!"

The player smiles and says, "He isn't that smart. Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

Meat grinder

A gambler walks into the butcher shop and says to the assistant behind the counter, "I bet you $100 you can’t get that meat down from the top shelf without a ladder."

The assistant looks up, turns to the gambler, and replies: "I’m afraid I can’t take that bet, sir. The steaks are too high."

This is the nuts

Gambling is really like eating pistachios. If you get a good pistachio, you want another good one. If you get a bad one, you want a good one even more. And that is gambling for you, in a nutshell.

Las Vegas religion

In Las Vegas, worshippers can put in casino chips when the collection plate is passed around. Chips from all the city’s churches are then bundled together and taken to a Franciscan monastery outside the city for sorting.

Then they are shipped back to the various casinos for cashing in.

This is done by the chip monks.

Dirty trick

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

I raise

My friend’s poker game is getting out of hand. Last night he bet his new-born son in a tense moment.

I thought to myself, "I’ve got aces; I might have to raise him."

Let the chips fall where they may

I was asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.

Gambling trip

I was walking down the street the other day when I tripped over a sign to the local sportsbook. What are the odds on that?

Dropping the ball

A gambler complained to his friend at the bar, "My goodness, I had a woeful time betting today. I lost nine out of nine college football games, five out of five in baseball, and seven out of seven in hockey."

The friend replied helpfully, "Well, at least the soccer games are starting soon."

The gambler shot back, "But I don’t know anything about soccer!"

Horse race

I put a bet on a horse because I was told it had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

Will you have the last laugh?

Now you have reached the end of our pun-tastic top ten gambling jokes, why not see if you can have the last laugh? Join BetAmerica Casino and try to walk away a winner today.

You don’t need to find slot machine jokes or tell any casino jokes one-liners. But if you get lucky, you could be laughing all the way to the bank.